Today is a Special Day!

After crafting this blog exactly a year ago today, I'm proud to say that my blog's birthday is today! I would post a link to my first post, but it is slightly pointless and silly! So, I am not stopping you from looking at it yourself! A lot has been going on lately...track has taken up all my life, then homework comes next, and then after that might be a social life? I'm not sure where that went! Haha!

Well, this blog has been my way of communicating with my family and dgroup. I love this, because everything gets easier! This is obviously the technology generation! I'm quite proud to be growing up in it!

This blog has also been my way of expressing my creativity, I have several things that I have written. Some include, short stories and poems. I love being able to be creative and not feel ashamed!

Overall, I am very proud my blog has made it this far! I am sad to say that this is not something I update everyday, but that might not be all that bad! Well, there is homework calling my name! Luckily I don't have track today, otherwise, I would be quite behind with that...

~m

Thoughts on an Average Runner

Here's another creative post. I've been so busy, it's bizarre for me to be so busy. So, enjoy this! I'll post again when I can!


I bound across the rubber race track, feeling light as a feather and invincible. Exhaustion crawls up from the pit of my stomach, it slowly inches up until I couldn't breath. The breaths just kept coming slower and slower, more painful than the last. I reassure myself that I have done this millions of times before, but is that enough this time? I keep bounding around the track, just one more lap...or is it two? Everything around me gets darker the edges first, slowly creeping to the center of my vision. Panic sets in, a million scenarios play in my head about how this race could end. I try to shake this feeling but it clenches it's claws deeper with every stride. I want to win this, but do I have what it takes? Do I have the strength to carry myself over the finish line? What more do I need to push myself? Then I remember what I haven't done for the past 5 seconds. Breath. In and out. It's a fluid motion, in and out, in and out. Everything becomes normal again, my vision is better, the panic is gone. With the next blink, I see the finish line and in deed, I do have what it takes.

~m

Temptations

Now that I look back, I realize that we never really matched. We never had anything 'in common'. We always made each other think we did. We wanted to be together, but we made things up and used pointless lies to win each other over. I know now, that it was never worth the trouble. It was never worth the chasing back and forth like 8 year olds on a playground. I regret every text, every smile, and flirtatious move. Why did I push myself so much to get you to like me? Why did I ever waste my time? Why did you waste your time? I don't think I will ever find the answer to that, and if I do, I'll be sure to not let you know. Why? You are just going to try to win my affection over again. With your sly smile and your dark eyes, I know the hideous plan behind every fleeting glance. That one time I let you in? Don't ever expect that to happen. Wasting my time on you was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. Don't deceive me into doing that again, because this time I won't make up excuses and convince myself that we were 'meant to be', that's just another pointless lie. Another lie that I won't fall for, another lie that I won't believe.

...

As I opened my eyes, everything came into focus. I looked around the room and realized who I was. I was Amelia Trotter, a junior at Williamson Senior High. I looked around and blinked. I was in a white, bitter room. I knew I was in a hospital. The last thing I remembered was taking that last oxycoton in the bottle that was full minutes before. I tried to overdose, I wanted nothing more than to die. I looked up and noticed that the walls weren't hard, they were soft and squishy. They were rubber walls. They must think that I am crazy. Ugh, considering I am the opposite.

The doctors, if that's really what they are, didn't know my story. When I was just 4, my dad murdered my mom. I witnessed it, my dad didn't know it at the time, he was just so wasted. I remembered as if it were 5 minutes ago. I watched the tears stream down my mom's face as dad brought the knife closer to her neck, he was yelling and she just whimpered. He made a swift motion and slit her neck, blood poured, mom choked and fell to the ground. The blood, there was so much blood, was all over the floor. He panicked and ran, dropping the knife and ran out the back door. I ran to mom, but it was too late then. She was dead, no turning back.

I hates thinking of that day, all I thinks about is the reason why they were fighting in the first place. My mom had supposedly had an affair, which was not true. We were together, trying to run away from my father. He was an abusive man, he took out his drunken anger out on me and mom. I miss the closeness I felt with her, she was pretty much all I had until she was gone. Miss Hadlee must have heard the fighting and saw mom go down in the kitchen, because next thing I know, I'm in her arms and she's wiping the tears away and shielding my eyes. Even though I had seen most of the damage. I don't think I will ever be able to get the blank stare out of my head, mom's beautiful, piercing blue eyes for the first time were emotionless.

I shake my head, to get rid of that terrible memory. Then this woman, stiffly walked into the room. It was obvious she hated her job by the grimace on her face, either that or she had some bad Chinese the other night.
"Amelia, am I correct?" She says.

"Yeah, so...what's this? Some kind of game?" I tease.

"All you teenagers are the same." She says under her breath, thinking I can't hear her.

Anger and hatred stream across my conscious. The conscience tells me to smile and nod, but I strongly want to smack her across the face, because I am not the same. I am different, I'm not one of those "I hate my life, my boyfriend dumped me so I'll just go off myself" kind of people. I actually have a good reason to die. I'm not needed, I feel that my purpose is done here and I need another task. I can't believe I tried to do it at home...which is not even home. I should have known that, busy body Henschel would go looking for me sooner or later. Which was sooner rather than later.

"It's time to sedate you again, we need to do more testing." She says in that awful tone.

"WHY?? I'M NOT CRAZY!" I scream, and try to flail but i was restrained. Then it all goes black.

When I wake up, I realized she did sedate me. Great, I want out. I need out, if there's nothing wrong with me, then why keep me here? That's the question that no one will answer me. That no one has, for the past 10 years. That's how long I've been in this dump, I've been sedated over and over and been put in a straight jacket and last but not least, been diagnosed with psychosis. I pretend to take my pills but I never have. Maybe that's why they have kept me here all this time.








^^I'll finish this sometime later.

~m

Perfection

I've run out of creativity...so, i'll talk about my week!

So, Monday was my first official day of summer. I went downtown with Mary and Hannah. We went to Sweet CeCe's and walked around trying on dresses and such.

Tuesday, I started watching season 2 and 3 of House. I finished yesterday morning.

Starting Monday, I got 'reconnected' with an ex of mine. We talk like friends and that's all I ask(: I'm glad I can talk to him again without it being too awkward.

Wednesday, I almost went to the first WNL of the year with Amy and Travis, but that didn't happen, instead I went to church and hung out with Aislinn and Annie and Aislinn's daughter, Sheilyn.

Thursday, I did absolutely nothing....just sleeping in and stuff.

Friday, was Marabeth's birthday, she turned 15 and got her permit! I slept over at her house, and hung out with her insane cousins. I went swimming at night, the first time this year. My hair is still dark red, and I'm still pale!

Today, I left her house around 11 and went to eat with the family, around 12 at Nacho's. We were polite according to my dad. Aren't we always polite? haha

Well, tomorrow. I might be going driving and such....might be crazy for that! Going to church, and i'm not sure after that!

Monday is Memorial day, we might just have a cookout!

Well, that's all for this post!

~maggie

Night

Night, a time of silence,
a time to gather unthinkable thoughts,

a time of tranquil, serenity. The moon
casts an willful shadow                                               

on the blackened streets of a 

quiet suburb. The streets waiting to

be warmed by the sun, to be quenched

from the cold depths of night.

Blissful dreams go uninterrupted. 

Deep sleep drifts on, like a boat

in a pond. Midnight has come and 

gone, like rainstorms. By the early

dawn, color splashes the earth like a 

wave on the beach. Before the splashes

of color on those parched streets, there 

was peace, and mystery. That is my night. 

That is the night I chose to see, that I chose

to live in. That is Night.

Fosters Continued

(Left off from previous post)


After Chelsea dropped the book, her eyes widened and she couldn't think. He came closer to her with a wicked smile on his face. He had his hand in his coat pocket. She wasn't sure why he had a coat on in the middle of July, but she sure had an idea. He was about to take his hand out of his pocket when she began to run. She ran past Sherri and Lane, and about 10 aisles away from her starting point. Sherri and Lane were looking at themselves oddly, and they saw the girl's father run past her with a gun in his hand. Sherri screamed 'NOO!" Lane ran in the opposite direction to get the manager to lock down the K-Mart, and call the police.

About a minute later, over the intercom the manager called an immediate lock down and to stay in their places. Chelsea froze as she wandered into the Patio section. She could hear the footsteps of her father behind her. She darted in and out of the display and ran to the party section. She could hear his quiet laughing close behind her. She ran down the grilling accessories aisle and grabbed a steak knife still in the package. As she ran, she quickly got the knife out of the package and had it at her ready. She didn't realize her father had a gun, but she didn't care.

She slipped into the counter behind the electronics and waited. She waited to hear the familiar, daunting footsteps of her father. He could hear her breathing, he was just waiting for her to jump up. She was trying her best not to cry, but the painful memories of that terrible day just a few months ago, flooded into her head. He could sense her fear, but he also could sense the determination.

She heard him get closer and closer. She sank into the counter even more until she couldn't go any farther. She noticed a mirror at the top of the counter, she could see his face watching, waiting. She tried to move slightly to the left so she could crawl out but it wasn't possible. He looked as though he had given up, but she knew him better than that. She knew that he was trying to get her to move.

All of a sudden, Lane finds him. She sees his back, and tries a distraction.She is in the aisle behind him, she sees a curtain rod she knocks it over and begins to run. He whips his head around and begins to follow the noise. Lane gets away in time to return to safety. She hides in the girls bathroom. Chelsea runs away from the counter. She turns a corner, and sees her father again. His back to her. She takes opportunity to sneak up behind him. She still has the knife.

She comes up right behind his back and her shoe scuffs the floor. He turns, knocking her over and the knife out of her hand just out of reach. She is on all fours and looks up seeing the barrel of the gun in her face. He grins that sick, twisted grin again. He laughs, "Any last words little girl?" Chelsea has none, she tries to think quick. She looks up at his face as he cocks the gun. She jumps up and knocks the gun to the ground. He is surprised and thinks he's been outsmarted. She trips over the gun and lands a few feet away. He grabs the gun again and says, "That's what I thought karma!"

Then, out of no where. Sherri grabs the knife on the floor and puts it through his back. He gets a pained look on his face and falls to the ground. Lane runs up behind her, and begins to cry. She didn't want it to end this way. She didn't want to kill him. She was just protecting her foster daughter from a monster.

After they held the funeral, Chelsea and Lane's mother walks up. She hugs both of them tightly. She apologizes for not being there enough and not being able to protect them from their father. She explained she had been clean and sober for over a year now. The doctor's were just afraid of her relapsing so they held her longer. She's been home for 3 months living by herself. She said her health had improved dramatically and she was no longer an addict.

After Sherri's trial, they proved her innocent for saving a life and putting a dangerous man off the streets. The girls were able to see their mother under strict supervision twice a week. Sherri and Rob eventually adopted Lane because by that time Chelsea was already 18.

Fosters

As Chelsea opened her eyes, the room spun, she saw everything in two's. Her sister was always by her side. She never left, unlike her parents. Her dad was in and out of jail and her mom was a chronic alcoholic and addicted to meth. Her sister, Lane, was always there for her. Chelsea practically raised her little sister. Ever since their dad had been taken away for drug possession and their mom was put in rehab,  they were in and out of foster homes. No one seemed to like them, or seemed to care about their story. Chelsea's eyes finally focused on the woman walking in the room, her badge said Officer Hadley. She had a stern look on her face, her hair all in a perfect pulled-back pony tail, nothing out of place. Chelsea already didn't like her. Lane jumped up right away and introduced herself. She started whispering about how they were in a bad situation and Chelsea couldn't talk right now. Chelsea got terribly confused, started to panic and then...black.

She woke up a few hours later. She looked at Lane again. She saw the sorrow in her eyes and started to speak, but nothing was there. Not a sound, she had no voice...then she tried to breath and it couldn't come. She panicked again, this time the nurse got there before she blacked out again. She calmed her down, this nurse seemed young, and nice. She had blonde hair, bright green eyes and a dimple. She said "There now, you are ok, just relax." Chelsea suddenly looked relieved. The nurse smiled, patted Chelsea's hand and walked away. 

Lane started to explain what happened. Chelsea had run into their father, who was on parole. Her father, wanted nothing to do with her and tried to walk away. Chelsea interrogated him and egged him on, her father got extremely angry like he usually did. He always got that look in his eye, that rage, that fire that never went out. Nothing could stop him at that point. He went on a rampage, knocking everything out of his way until he got what he wanted. The person that happened to be there was Chelsea, he never meant to hurt his own daughter, Lane explained. He took out a gun and shot her in the shoulder and hand. He suddenly realized what he had done, and immediately ran away. Luckily, someone over heard the argument and called 911. She was almost dead at the scene. 

Chelsea looked down at her arms, they were bandaged, her left hand had a cast on it. "To help the bones heal faster", Lane said. She put her right hand up to her face and felt something in her mouth. A large, plastic, blue tube going down her throat. She began to hyperventilate but Lane calmed her down this time. "You need to stay calm or you'll never heal!" Lane exclaimed. Lane yelled for the blonde nurse again, this time she gave Chelsea something. It put her to sleep, it made her dream of the family she never had. 

When she woke up again for the second time. Chelsea looked up to see a tall, grey man with a white coat on. He was changing a bag of thick, red liquid. She squinted and the man noticed, "Oh, hello, I didn't realize you were awake there! I'm just replacing your blood bag. You lost quite a bit of blood there!" Chelsea nodded and turned her head back forward and searched for Lane. She was in the hall talking to that officer again. She strained to hear the last bits of the conversation but Lane smiled and thanked her and walked back in the room with a cup of water. 

She sighed, not noticing that Chelsea had woken up again. The man started to talk to Lane again, she nodded heavily and looked like she was about to cry. He comforted her and left the room. Chelsea motioned for her to come over to the bed, Lane walked over quickly brushing the hot, salty tears away. Chelsea pointed to her shoulder. Lane looked at it and said "Ya Chels, that is the shoulder that got hurt, does it hurt more? Do you need more morphine?" Chelsea shook her head no, her question had been answered. She closed her eyes, waking up moments later to another man in the room. He was another officer, this time his badge said Officer Rought. He introduced himself and got down to the 'yes or no' questions. He asked if it was her father who had hurt her, and if she knew his whereabouts. He thanked her for his time and stalked out of the room. 

The blonde nurse came back in and said that she was removing her tube, because her oxygen was levels were back to normal. She told Chelsea to relax and try not to gag. 10 seconds later Chelsea was breathing on her own again. "Your voice will be hoarse for awhile after this, be careful." She left the room and brought back ice chips for her to chew on. The only visitors that were there were Lane and the officers. Chelsea longed for a mother of her own. After all, she was only 17 and Lane was 15. No one wanted teenagers as foster kids. They always wanted those little babies or toddlers, "gag me" she thought.

A little while later, the stern officer came back to get her statement. This time, she had a somber look on her face instead of a serious one. For once, someone might just understand her pain and suffering. The officer, looked at her and weakly smiled. The officer hated these kind of cases, they rarely had happy endings. Officer Hadley told her to take it easy and relax. After she left, Chelsea fell asleep.

When Chelsea woke up, she woke up to fine no one in the room but a familiar figure in the doorway. The scary, deep voice confirmed her fear. It was her father. He had come back for more. As he shut the door he said, "Well, I finally found you, you little brat." Chelsea franticly sat up looking for something to defend herself with. There was nothing there of course.Her eyes widened into saucers as she glanced around the room as he got closer. He was at the end of the bed when Chelsea remembered the nurse call button. She pressed it several times and there was no answer. He got up into her face and spat ugly, hatred into it. "You know too much, I'll have to get rid of you like I did your mother." Chelsea tried to scream, her voice hadn't fully come back yet from the tube being taken out. The nurse looked in the window and gasped. She ran to go get help.

Only 5 seconds later of Chelsea's father ranting, the security jumped in, "Get on the ground!" He refused, knowing the system all too well. He laughed and got closer to Chelsea. She closed her eyes knowing of what was to come. The police came in right in time and jumped on him and pulled him back away. The police could smell the strong, alcohol on his breath. They handcuffed him, and as he was walking out, Lane was walking in. She screamed at the sight of her father, and nearly became sick. The nurse grabbed her and sat her down on the chair. Her father laughed a cruel, sick laugh and said, "I'll be back girls! Just watch me!"

Chelsea sighed with relief knowing her father had been incarcerated. Lane began to sob violently. The nurse came back in and sedated Chelsea to calm her heart down. It wasn't enough. Her heart went into cardiac arrest and Lane gasped and wondered what to do. The team of nurses bombarded into the room ordering Lane to stand in the hall. She watched from the window, thinking she was watching her sister die in front of her. They finally brought her back, and she was ok a few hours later.

The next day, a older couple in their mid-40's walked into the room. The woman introduced herself as Sherri Lanning. The man  introduced himself as Rob. They explained that they were to be their foster parents for as long as the girls wanted.  They said they lived 100 miles south of the hospital, far enough away from their father. The girl's happily agreed, maybe this was their dream family.

The following week, Chelsea was discharged from the hospital. The girl's and the Lanning's walked out of the hospital to a black Toyota Matrix. The girl's got in and drove away.

A few months after the accident, the girls and Sherri were in K-Mart shopping. Chelsea walked a few aisles over to look at a book. As she picked up the book, she heard the familiar, scary voice, "Well, well, look what I found." Chelsea whipped her head around, and saw her father. Chelsea dropped the book and gasped.

(To Be Continued)

Thoughts

This was written on 2009 Christmas morning at 2:45AM.

We both walk down the hall, seeing each other, not acknowledging, ignoring, never thought we'd get to this point. Only because she would not say yes. The word 'no', is all to familiar to her. She knows why she must say that horrible word. He doesn't understand; only because he doesn't want to listen. Every time he heard it, it ate him alive, degraded him almost. So he pretends to move on, to preserve his sanity. So he gets involved with another girl. She watches everyday. It is slowly killing her, and he knows it. She tries her best to cover it up. Most of the time it works, but other times he gets to her. She has built up a brick wall around her heart, not able to be broken. Lately, it has started to crumble at the edges, getting weaker towards the center. This brick wall was supposed to be protecting her heart from him. He tries to break through this wall to get her heart back. She can tell he is trying. She fixes the rumbling edges to block him out. It is only a temporary fix but necessary. He is starting to get to her more and more...but he doesn't realize it. She is getting sick of it. She begins to think, contemplate everything that they have gone  through. She begins to wonder if it was all worth it. She wants to tell him everything on her mind, but there are some things better left unsaid. These things can open a big can of worms, cause a HUGE problem. He is a guy, some guys don't care about a girl's feelings or what the effect of his feelings are; but some do. This is what she doesn't know. She doesn't know if he is one of those heartless guys or not. This is the problem that could be caused. The problem itself might grow to be out of control. Which is something they both don't want. The beginning of their relationship was ok. It was the 'more than friends' part that started it all. Ever since, she has been confused as to whether she wants to go back or not. He has hurt her so much, she is numb to most of what he does now. She has no clue what to even think anymore. Should she continue down the hall? Should she smile at him? Say something? No. She does none of those things. She decides to let herself wait. She decides to see if he will come crawling back again...but then again, that might never happen...

Retro?

On a day that needs nothing to be done...things happen and they should be said. well not always. i was 'photo bucketing' earlier and found some retro pictures that i thought should be shared with the blog world :)
for your 'work' time distraction: