Thoughts

This was written on 2009 Christmas morning at 2:45AM.

We both walk down the hall, seeing each other, not acknowledging, ignoring, never thought we'd get to this point. Only because she would not say yes. The word 'no', is all to familiar to her. She knows why she must say that horrible word. He doesn't understand; only because he doesn't want to listen. Every time he heard it, it ate him alive, degraded him almost. So he pretends to move on, to preserve his sanity. So he gets involved with another girl. She watches everyday. It is slowly killing her, and he knows it. She tries her best to cover it up. Most of the time it works, but other times he gets to her. She has built up a brick wall around her heart, not able to be broken. Lately, it has started to crumble at the edges, getting weaker towards the center. This brick wall was supposed to be protecting her heart from him. He tries to break through this wall to get her heart back. She can tell he is trying. She fixes the rumbling edges to block him out. It is only a temporary fix but necessary. He is starting to get to her more and more...but he doesn't realize it. She is getting sick of it. She begins to think, contemplate everything that they have gone  through. She begins to wonder if it was all worth it. She wants to tell him everything on her mind, but there are some things better left unsaid. These things can open a big can of worms, cause a HUGE problem. He is a guy, some guys don't care about a girl's feelings or what the effect of his feelings are; but some do. This is what she doesn't know. She doesn't know if he is one of those heartless guys or not. This is the problem that could be caused. The problem itself might grow to be out of control. Which is something they both don't want. The beginning of their relationship was ok. It was the 'more than friends' part that started it all. Ever since, she has been confused as to whether she wants to go back or not. He has hurt her so much, she is numb to most of what he does now. She has no clue what to even think anymore. Should she continue down the hall? Should she smile at him? Say something? No. She does none of those things. She decides to let herself wait. She decides to see if he will come crawling back again...but then again, that might never happen...